On to the Next Adventure

Friday

2012-02-17T07:33:00.011-06:00

Laying on my side, I feel the cold hard tires of a bright yellow Ford truck creeping up the side of my head and over my ear. The fact that it has 'Mattel' stamped on its undercarriage and weighs as much as a small carrot, makes the odds of my survival favorable. I turn my neck and squint open my left eye to see my two year old son sitting at the top of my pillow. He greets me with a, "Hi, mom!". The special sound affects from the chest cold I have make my reply to him sound like an unintelligible combination of The Chipmunks and synthesized balloons deflating. I turn back over to reach for my cell phone and check the time. It is just after six in the morning, which explains why it is still dark and why I am trying to justify to myself grounding a toddler. The cell phone light is bright enough to pierce my soul and I consider actually bargaining with Heaven for a few more minutes of uninterrupted slumber.

I hear the first sounds of my two oldest girls moving into the bathroom from their room. They have a field trip today and they are up early, undoubtedly because of their excitement. My second two year old joins her twin at the top of my pillow, but not before pulling at every single root on my scalp by walking across my hair, and says, "Wate up , mommy! Waaaate up!". Moments later, Stinky Pete slides almost silently on to Shawn's empty side of the bed. A workday for the Department Of Defense starts early so I am left with my freckled red head laying in an outline of his dad's mattress indentation, eyes closed and smiling. The twins are rummaging through the drawers of the nightstand looking for some delightful treasure like lip balm, a marker, or, on rare occasion, a piece of gum. They rhythmically take turns pushing each other to the side with their hip to assert control of who will get their hands on any sort of treasure first.

At this point the girls are standing at my doorway urgently pleading with me to get up. They lecture me compassionately and slowly so that I understand their need to get to school because they don't want to miss their special field trip. I inform them that it is 6:13 and I am absolutely sure that there are no buses loading or yet en route to the Orchestra. I begin to pep talk myself out of bed with the promise that in sixteen short hours or so, I will sleep again. I am well aware, after years of parenting, that the mornings you are sick or extra tired, are the ones that usually begin the earliest. It's a proven rule.

The girls busy themselves making toast and scrambled eggs as I pull on my pants from the day before and throw on a t-shirt. I feel instant gratitude that they are able to be so independent. I brush through my hair in the dark and pull it in to a quick ponytail. Turning on the lights would just confirm that I am awake which is something I am not yet ready to do. Charlotte has found a Valentine's Day lollipop and is racing to get off the wrapper without taking her eyes off me. Her frantic unwrapping grows exponentially with each step closer to her I take. I immediately, in my head, begin cursing the lollipop company, candy in general, and myself for not hiding it better. Sam is in the hallway with a stray pencil drawing a small circle on the wall. I grab it with the stealth prowess only a mother develops from being yards away from her toddler and an uncapped Sharpie. I dress them, all the while listening to my daughter mourn the loss of her sugary companion. We make our way down the stairs. The twins are hungry and I am super excited to get started on the laundry pile sitting next to the washer.

After everyone is fed and lunches are put in backpacks, we are ready to walk out the door. Madeleine, with a Chief-of-Police-like furrowed brow, looks me over and says, "Mom, what is wrong with your hair?". I remember that I fell asleep damp headed last night but I reply, "I woke up too early. That's what happened." We make our way out the door to the car. I am barely stopped in front of the school when the doors fly open and the kids race out of the car. I enjoy a sentimental moment watching my crazy, amazing children shouting out spontaneous "I love you's" as they run to their classrooms. I feel a moment of mom pride that so far they seem to be surviving my parenting just fine and as I turn on my signal to make my way out from the school and head for home, I look down and realize I put my pants on inside out.

Ignore this post....

2012-02-16T10:42:00.009-06:00

Dear Media,
Why do you get to tell our daughters how they should look or act even when we work endlessly to keep them from your fair-weather friendship? Why do you get to tell them that their appearance is more important than their compassion, integrity, intelligence and health? Why do you get to make them look in the mirror and wonder if they are okay when you have never met them, rocked them in your arms, or cheered them through a personal victory? Why must your slightest influence make them ever, just for a second, question their worth when they have our message of love and acceptance embroidered on their hearts?

Dear Mall Mom,
Why must you think telling your (guessing) seven year old that the skirt she is trying on makes her look "hot"? Why does she beam with excitement hearing your compliment as if "hot" is the ultimate accolade? Why do I feel like hugging you rather than scolding you?

Dear(not all)Parents,
Why must you allow your little ones to watch movies or shows that make grown adults keep a light on at night? Why are they watching movies with graphic or explicit content that they then must share at school with others? Why is it okay for your little ones to talk about "going out" and "breaking up" and "hooking up" when their young minds should be daydreaming about the next great book or dance recital or birthday party? Why do your children think I am "mean" because I won't allow my daughters to read the Twilight series yet? Why is the word fanatic thrown around when parents simply don't think their kids should be kissing their "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" at ten years of age? Why do I feel that if I popped a gigantic bowl of popcorn to feed them all and pulled out a slip-n-slide would they actually be more entertained by it than kissing?

Dear Men,
Why is my five year old son holding the door open so you can slip through it ahead of the woman juggling little ones or the Gardenia scented elderly woman with a wrinkled smile?

The End.

P.S. This post is nothing more than a place for me to put down a couple of recent frustrations.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-23T17:03:00.007-06:00

There was bribery. There was the typical chaos of arranging a gaggle of children with the naive hope that this time we would catch a unanimous smile. There is no synchronization here, but there is love. We share it with you and wish you a very Merry Christmas.

School of the South pt. 1

2011-09-21T23:15:00.001-05:00

To clarify, this post refers to our first move to the south in June 2009

As we crossed over the Texas border into Louisiana the excitement for our new adventure had turned into thinly veiled tolerance for each other. The car seemed smaller than when we had started, we were sick of "travel food", our best and favorite music had become annoying, and silence had replaced excited chatter about new opportunities and possibilities. We pulled into a gas station adorned simply with a hand painted sign reading, "GAS" in bold blue letters. A bathroom break and stretching our legs should certainly help undo some of our road weariness. How could I have known that opening the door to the shopette would be opening a door to much more than an endless variety of chips?

I was quickly greeted with a nod and a "Ma'am". That's right! I had officially entered a part of the country where being called ma'am was no longer a stabbing reminder that I was obviously in possession of too many facial creases to be called a Miss. It was now a title; something that I could look forward to hearing out of respect. My satisfied smile was quickly wiped off my face when I spotted a jar of pickled eggs sitting on the counter near the register. And next to the pickled eggs, a jar of pickled pig’s feet sat ready to induce a hearty round of mental dry heaves. I looked to my left and my kids were gathered around a shelf which held many treasures that would make any newcomer ooh and ah. I, like the kids, studied the detailed teeth attached to the alligator jaw poised and open for our inspection. But as I turned and spotted the assortment of dried snakes tacked to the brown paneled wall, I was ready to call off the whole thing.For me, snakes are a deal killer plain and simple. Normally just the reminder of snakes is enough to alter my mood. But this time I think my dislike was amplified by the knowledge that there were just as many recipes here that called for snake as there were snakes to begin with. The first real pang of "what in the world are we doing?!" washed over me with enough force to send adrenaline through my body. I was careful to hide my suddenly twisted face from my kids and anxiously surveyed the shop for my husband's face. I knew it would calm me. He walked over with a smile. He knew what I was thinking. I threw my arms around him and laid my head on his chest (which was more like his stomach since my enormously pregnant belly kept me from correctly aligning myself with his body to reach his chest). I felt better for about three seconds until I finally tuned into the lyrics of the country song blaring from the duct taped stereo sitting on a shelf behind the counter. The songs chorus went something like blah blah blah "I wanna check you fer ticks". I knew then that this had to be some sort of initiation carried out by a local theatrical group. The kind that met after work on Wednesdays to practice their craft, in preparation for their weekends spent at the GAS station, welcoming Yankees to the south. The lyrics were not referencing a man in a lab coat with a clipboard questioning a patient about neurologically induced twitches. No, tick with a K. The visual in my mind played out vividly. One man in overalls hovered over another man's head (think gorilla's cleaning each other) with such determination and focus, his nose and mouth twisted tightly as he examined his friend, maybe cousin, for the annoying little pests. Mayday! Mayday! But it was too late to turn back.

That night, after we checked in at the hotel closest to the base, we stopped in at a Shoney's for dinner (don't ask). The kids occupied themselves with the buffet and my husband and I sat across from each other, tired and a bit dazed. He reached for my hand and that was all it took to incite tears. Abundant, crazy pregnant tears. I had lived in a foreign country before, been in many new situations, faced with uncomfortable or unusual circumstances. But it didn't matter then. I was tired and I missed what I was used to. The reality of our unfamiliar surroundings and the exhaustion of such a move had finally overthrown my last surviving thread of positive thinking.

More to come....

To Whom it May Concern

2011-09-19T21:09:00.005-05:00

I should have tacked this on to my last post but didn't. Our family is on to our next adventure. We are moving to the great and proud state of Texas next month. Shawn will be the new director of Communications at the Naval Air Station in Corpus Christi. The kids are excited to be close to the beach; we all are. New experiences, growth and opportunities=good. Leaving dear friends=bad.

Hamming it up

2011-09-19T11:38:00.007-05:00

My son takes himself way too seriously.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

Exhibit E:

More Compassion

2011-08-08T11:21:00.007-05:00

So many of the days during my husbands deployment were a blur. Not because it was all terrible but because the load I carried seemed to give me little time for processing. I do remember one winter afternoon, clearly. I was at the grocery store with my toddler son, waiting for a prescription, after just having spent much of the afternoon waiting for a visit with the doctor, after having spent the last sleepless night caring for and worrying about him. During the short wait at the pharmacy, his discomfort grew as well as my anxiety to get him home as quickly as possible. He hadn't had much of an appetite, yet I had been giving him Motrin to help with his fever, which doesn't always sit well on an empty stomach. I grabbed the bag, paid for its contents and tucked him up into me as I hurried to the car. As we approached, I noticed a cart blocking my door. I quickly pushed it up past my car door, focused on getting us home. As I started to open the door, I heard the two men behind me express their disapproval of me not putting my cart back. Looking straight at me, yet talking to each other, they made sure I understood that it was selfish and lazy of me not to do so. (If you read one of my previous posts, you would know exactly how I feel on the matter.) My immediate reaction was a bit of disbelief over how forward and critical they were. Then my son threw up. I started to clean him up, struggling to see what I was doing through the tears. I wanted so badly to tell them they had some nerve and no idea what was going on. That I was tired, alone, worn, and a nice person that usually returned my carts and that it wasn't even my cart to begin with! I drove home feeling a combination of self-pity and deep irritation. I kept thinking about what I would have said to them had I been given another opportunity. I looked back at my son through the mirror and saw his sweet little face. And that red, tired face softened my heart. The anger I was feeling slipped away and everything seemed to quiet around me. I knew it was learning time. So I listened. And in my heart and mind came the reminder that though the lack of compassion shown to me was wrong, so was my withholding compassion from the seemingly compassion-less.

Compassion is something I think a lot about. It is an attribute that is not just one on my checklist of attributes to have but one that finds its way into my introspection on a constant level. The times I missed an opportunity to carry or "be there" for someone stay with me and serve as reminders in my every day life. So why did it seem that in some of the most crucial moments where what I needed most was compassion, did I receive the opposite? Like that afternoon, over the course of time, I am being taught that sometimes my Heavenly Father wants me to know that He is the only one that can know all of the details. That sometimes He is the only one that will know my heart completely and that I am striving, trying, and putting my cart back when no one else knows it. And I have to be okay with that. Over all, I can't consider myself compassionate if I can't show compassion in situations where it is being directly withheld from me. Man, I have a long way to go. But I think I am also okay with that.

2011-03-16T10:05:00.007-05:00

The day started with the standard alarm signal. We invested in a special device which has twin speakers. One repeatedly chirps while the other grunts and occasionally spits out a low pitched growl/emergency broadcast signal. It is an effective method at killing slumber, as effective as a sling shot pebble between the eyes. It is also self programmed and varies its signals every so often. We wouldn't want to get too comfortable, now, would we? Shawn and the girls have whizzed out the door with lunches, briefcase, toast and backpacks in tow. The kitchen looks like an inventory specialist popped in sometime during the night and made sure to leave out every single item from every single drawer and cupboard. The peanut butter sits open on the counter with a butter knife sticking straight up. I know immediately that it was Madeleine who had left it this way. She had wrapped the knifes handle in a wad of napkins. She does so to keep her hand from getting peanut butter on it after digging in to the bottom of the container. I considered a complete kitchen renovation which, at the moment, seemed like an easier task than cleaning it.

I walked down the hallway and opened the twins bedroom door with the standard exclamation, " Good Morning, stinkies!" and reveled in the joy and excitement of their response. Charlotte started to repeat her "eeewwww" sound she makes when she needs a diaper change and I noticed that something smelled a bit "rosy". I moved in closer and could see that her diaper was laying neatly folded over in her crib next to a big wet puddle. "Eeeewwwww" was right. And I just, JUST washed their bedding and returned it to their cribs the day before. I learned years ago that the surest way to have a ginormous spill is to mop the kitchen floor. Works every time. Obviously, a universal rule.

The babies are fed and dressed and playing in their room while I fold laundry. Seth came in with a mini Leatherman on the scissor setting and a button suspiciously similar to the decorative buttons on my duvet. He said, "Look! I found a button to your comforter!" I asked him if he "found" the button by cutting it off of the duvet cover. He said, "no". I asked him if he was sure and he said," weeeeeeeeelll". He shot me his signature crooked and long smile which made me instantly visualize discovering through an ancestry search the The Grinch was in fact our relative. I couldn't help but laugh. It is absolutely impossible for me to imagine him grown. The charm of his bright blue eyes and freckles is so appealing at 4 years old. I admit it has probably saved his life a time or two.

In the distance I could hear a rhythmic whack of a maraca followed by a squeal from Sam. It continued till I reached the door. Charlotte froze and smiled with the incriminating evidence raised in her hand above her head. She has done this before and I put the maraca up thinking it would help. It didn't. Ten minutes later I heard the child-sized tambourine tapping against something and the same Sam squeal following it. Today she somehow got hold of the maraca again. I fear that Sam may develop a twitch that will manifest itself anytime he hears latin music. We played and played. We read stories and stacked cups, put shoes on and took them off, repeatedly. Charlotte tugged at her doll and said "Piiiiitttttteeeee. Piiiiiitttteeeeee" Someday she will pronounce it "pretty", but until then I am happy to hear her high pitched voice chirp away. Just not in the form of an air raid siren.

A lot happens before ten a.m. And it's good.

A True Artiste

2011-03-14T17:42:00.003-05:00

2011-01-25T11:48:00.005-06:00

I know it isn't fall but it is a rainy, dark day outside. I was going through some of my photo files and found these. Doesn't a fall campout sound great?

Dreamy

2011-01-15T15:09:00.007-06:00

Last night I had a dream that Will Schuester was my tennis instructor. And by tennis instructor I mean tennis while selling licorice instructor. Yeah, I know. The subconscious can be a ridiculous, dark, and delightful place. It was apparently some sort of hybrid education where a person combines learning more than one of life's most important skills in one class setting. Strangely, we learned how to play tennis by sitting around a table. An unusual amount of packaged red licorice sat poised with abnormally large labeling as though it were being used for shameless film product placement. The disturbing part was that I demanded my money back from Will (I was on a first name basis with him) simply because I expected him to sing during the class. Bad Jill! Bad Jill! Who in their right mind would ever not want to be taught by Will Schuester?! The truth is , I would PAY him to let me sell him licorice. His voice is like buttah! Yet another situation where I really could have used a dream referee. That and the time I asked Madonna to babysit my children.

The part of the dream that caused me the most reflection though, is when at the beginning of the class, we were each asked to share something about ourselves. When my turn came I introduced myself, mentioned that I had five kids, then announced that I didn't love being a mom. Maybe this dream sequence was caused by a mixture of late dessert and having recently watched a satire involving a twelve step program. Or it could just be that yesterday was a day that would have forced Mary Poppins into early retirement. It was a frustrating day, folks. One involving large amounts of whining, resistance, broken sauce jars and a little finger purposely poking perfectly risen dough too early. It was a day lacking a good sense of humor and patience. I sat in bed this morning wondering if what I said in my dream had been a truthful statement. I do love elements of motherhood. I do love the breathtaking and glittery moments. I love knowing that these little ones have and will teach me some of life's most valuable lessons and that we are woven together eternally. I do know that being a mother is as natural to me as breathing. I have become more confident with what my idea of being a good mother is for me and my kids. Could I honestly say I love motherhood though? The thought came to me that I say I love my husband and kids with all my heart. And I don't just love them when they are being delightful. Obviously I love them even during episodes of brain malfunction and bad breath. But I am able to love them with such a powerful love because that kind of love demands sacrifice. I do not believe you can completely love a person until you have sacrificed for them. And according to that line of thinking, I most certainly can love motherhood. The shining moments as well as the stinky ones. I have sacrificed for it and will continue to do so. And I am thinking that if my dreams continue to entertain in such a way, I may just be able to laugh through it all even more.

2010-12-17T09:09:00.008-06:00

This next statement will shock you; I love Christmas! We have been happily looking at lights, staring gooey-eyed at our tree, sipping cocoa, reading stories, laughing at the twins attempts at candy cane wrapper infiltration and visiting a lot with the kids about why we celebrate. The girls had a little fundraiser to earn money to donate to the Children's Hospital, and Seth has been anxiously deciding what to get his beloved Bunny for Christmas. The babies play with the tree ornaments like a cat does with a dangling string, which is why the tree looks a bit bare from about two feet down. We spend much of our family time huddled in the front room and it has been magical.

I kept my list of things to do simple this year. But I did manage to get a couple of dolls made for my girls. I am by no means a skilled seamstress. I love to create but I also like to work quickly. And on top of it, I am overly critical of my work. A few years back, I made some dolls as gifts. Though I sewed with my mom while growing up, it was not something I was too interested in and lacked practice. As an adult I truly wanted to add it to the list of things to improve upon and looked at many cute patterns and ideas with wide eyes. But when I made those dolls, and looked at my work, I decided not to give them away. They just showed my lack of skill too perfectly. Shawn was the one who told me to give them away with the intention I had made them; to share my love with some special little girls. He was right and so I gave them with equal parts of excitement and embarrassment. And it was something that has helped me grow. I can now say that my skill is improving and on this round of dolls, I am happy with the results. I finished Abigael's first. I altered the pattern a bit by making the skirt removable since the girls love to dress their dolls. I made a few extra accessories for Jane like the hair bow and felt brooch, and made the face a bit differently in an effort to make her look more like Abi. Anyway, meet Jane. I like her.... a lot.

I can't wait for the girls to snuggle them every night. They aren't perfect. But perfection is overrated anyway, right?
The original pattern is from bitofwhimsy on Etsy.

Audoban Park

2010-11-26T22:08:00.006-06:00

Tuesday Morning=Tuesday Mourning

2010-11-10T18:41:00.005-06:00

The past three weeks have flown by at the speed of light. My weeks don't usually fly, they morph into one large ball of smoke and sometimes debris, which is a product of our crazy life. Anyway, as I was saying, time flew simply because my mom was here to visit. On my way to pick her up, I was overjoyed and in a way felt like a hiker going to pick up a lost canteen of water. I was ready to soak up every bit of love and comfort that mom brings with her.

We developed a routine and functioned like shiny gears in a factory. And along with all of the typical daily duties, we laughed, talked, cried, shopped, drove, and planned together. We paid tribute to Jane Austen (Shawn did not roll his eyes once!), gushed over cute Christmas decorations in the stores and did a fair amount of laughing.

As it always does, the day of her departure came sooner than my acceptance of it. Once again I stood at the curb hugging my mom goodbye, feeling like a little girl in a grown womans body. I did well. Until I came home. And just for the sake of sheer torture, read the sweet note she left for me on the dresser. Not to worry, though. I channeled my inner Marilla Cuthbert, wiped away the tears and got back to work.

Love you, Mom!

Children's Museum

2010-09-19T20:08:00.005-05:00

Saying that my free time is scarce would be an unserstatement. In fact, when Shawn is away, it becomes impossible for my brain to allow my mouth to speak the words "free" and "time" in any sort of close verbal proximity. In any case, he is home without much travel in the immediate future so we have been soaking in the warm rays of family togetherness. The Childrens Museum is always a hit.

Sorry about the blurry photos. We forgot to take the good camera (yes, we are brilliant like that).

2010-07-30T07:48:00.012-05:00

I was asking myself which way I should make my bed. Just pull the duvet up and toss the pillows on or fold the duvet over and style the pillows nicely. Maybe I will be a total rebel, revel in all sorts of willy nilly and not make it at all, I think to myself. I was feeling like I could justify ignoring my bed a bit. I had a sink full of dishes, babies to feed and bite and three other kids with a long list of summer adventures filling their daydreams. I decided to fold the duvet over because whenever I ask myself those kinds of questions, I always end up taking the "extra mile" route.

It's kind of like me with shopping carts. I am generally mindful to run the shopping cart back. And even though I park next to the Shopping Cart Return to simplify, there are those few occasions where I don't. Where the kids are going nuts, the babies are fussing, and let's face it; I'm just wanting to get home ASAP. I will tell myself that just this once it is okay to leave the cart. But then it comes. That guilt over the fact that some poor kid is going to have to work extra hard in the heat/cold to wrangle all the stray carts. And maybe, just maybe, my extra cart will be the one to send him into a fit, make him quit his job, and never go to college. So I sigh and return the cart anyway.

Okay already! I will make the bed pretty! I looked at my bed with satisfaction. Such a fluffy welcoming bed that tells me I don't hang around as much as I should. "But I have five kids and a set of twins.", I tell it. "But look how soft and pretty I am now that you dressed me." "I know bed, I know. There will come a time when I will visit more often." "Just for a minute?!", the bed pleads. And then it happened. I gave in. Just like that I fell right into my soft pillow and into sweet bliss. As quickly as I hit the bed I began negotiating the terms of my stay. Two minutes and that's it! I started bouncing my thumb on my hip in thought. There is definitely more bounce on this hip then there should be I think to myself. I need to get on that. Then I think about breakfast for the babies. Stonyfield yogurt and pureed berries I thought. I laid there staring into the ceiling fan. There is a slight, slow mechanical wallop sound and I think to myself that even my fan has a southern accent. The shadows on the ceiling change quickly as a group of clouds moved over head. I think to myself that I should blink.

"Pssssst!". Stinky Pete has slithered in silently and is now staring at me sideways. He leaps up on to the bed effortlessly and immediately begins to jump. "Hey, Mom! Loot at me!" Then he starts into his signature break dance moves. He tells me to "Look!" repeatedly so I won't miss his next trickier trick. All the while he has that look on his face. That look of I am so cool becauseiamabreakdancerandiloveitwhenmymomcheersmeon look. Then he asks me to MC a break dance show on the bed for him. I smile and grab my imaginary mic and we are set. "Wasssuuuup yo! Welcome to the greatest break dancing event in history. Tonight the Red Devil will blow you away........" My two minutes in bed turned into more like fifteen (because after any good dance-off there has to be tickling. Lots of tickling). Soon, Stinky Pete moved on to his next conquest and I was energized. Thanks bed. 'Til we meet again, bed.

This time last year.....

2010-07-20T09:23:00.014-05:00

Once a mother learns she is expecting multiples, she immediately becomes part of a new family. A group of women who wonder how it will all work. A group of women who wonder how their bodies will compensate for the extra growth, the extra demand physically, emotionally, etc. Luckily I had friends in my neighborhood who had lived the experience. Their support and excitement welcomed me into the club and calmed my anxiety. I was able to ask all the questions I needed and hear heartwarming accounts of their own experience with multiples. I learned about the different ways twins develop, things to watch for, things to help ease carrying the extra cargo. As the twins grew inside of me, so did my understanding of who they were. I often thought back to being a first time mom and learning I was again pregnant. At the time I panicked wondering how I could possibly love another child as much as I loved my first. Of course when my second was born, that question seemed so ridiculous. Not another ounce of love could have been stuffed into my heart for her. She was mine. Forever. We were automatically connected by physical and spiritual tissues that would only continue to weave more tightly together throughout time. I trusted that having two at once would likewise come with more than enough love to meet their needs. The course of my pregnancy with the twins was a constant adventure. I felt even more excitement, more anticipation and even more concern for my survival. Just as the excitement of having twins constantly was my companion, so was the knowledge that this type of pregnancy was more complicated and carried many more risks. For me, having children of my own was the most amazing experience. It is for most. For me though, there are other things involved. You see, my body and I were never friends. I spent many years wishing I had been gifted a different set of genes. Skinny genes (yes, and skinny jeans). I wondered why I couldn't, like so many other girls, just have a figure that loved me and that I could love back. I wasted a lot of time disliking myself and thinking of my body as a traitor. Luckily, and unluckily, I learned pretty early that my body had some abnormalities that explained my struggle with weight and also brought the news that having children would be difficult for me. I carried that knowledge with me for many years and struggled with feelings of not being a "real" woman. As a twenty something I was able to shed many, many pounds. I secretly hoped that I had been cured. But as time would reveal, I had not. I entered the "childbearing years" with the same abnormalities. With help we found success (obviously) and became pregnant. But with my distrust in my physical body being coupled with the difficulties it presented, I just didn't trust my body to follow through. I entered delivery with lots of excitement and likewise a lot of fear that I just would not be able to "perform" labor normally. But I did. And I went on to have other children without incident. Learning that I was having twins though renewed the fear of my body not rising to the task. I thought that I was "lucky" to have my other children but surely delivering twins would do me right in. Crazy? Maybe. But my challenge nonetheless. So my extra body, my extra excitement and my extra anxiety grew until I reached 38 weeks of pregnancy (which is great for twins). Sam decided in the early morning hours of July 21st to make his grand entrance. Charlotte followed. The experience was nothing less than intense but we made it through. Once again my body looked me square in the eyes with a great big "I told you so!". Once again I was reminded that being a "real" woman transcends the right curves or right hairstyle. It is who I am at the core of my spiritual self. A daughter of God. Once again I held heaven in my arms. Times two.

The challenge for me has been trying to explain in words the indescribable thing it is to have two babies. It is a lot of work. Very tedious work. Two sets of everything. But the two sets of toes, two sets of giggles, and two sets of wet kisses are more than enough to tip the scales in favor of these two. There is nothing better than sitting on the floor and letting the babies "attack" us. So, yes. This first year has been quite a blur and more often than not, my prayers are centered on the simple gratitude of their survival as well as the survival of our sanity. But it has been one happy and amazing blur. This birthday not only celebrates their first year of life but the bond of our family, the blessing of patience and persistence, the importance of humor and the unending love Heavenly Father shows all of us by allowing us growth. Happy Birthday to the two little ones who we adore and who actually light up the sun.

P.S. Infertility and childbearing is a very personal and individual experience and I hope that in sharing some of my experiences did not hurt anyones heart. I love you all.

I have pigtails!

2010-07-15T16:02:00.001-05:00

Memory lane...

2010-07-14T14:43:00.006-05:00

I am a big time thrifter. I don't have much time to run around but I have been lucky to find some really great treasures. The kind that make you gasp with delight. Yesterday, I found some Fisher Price Little People sets. It was an instant rewind to my childhood. For a couple of bucks each, it was a great find.

I LOVED playing with these sets as a kid. Anyone else?

White is the new white....

2010-07-09T10:58:00.008-05:00

So I have always loved white furniture and I am loving this piece by Windsor Smith. And if you want to see more, go to DesignJill.

La Floride!

2010-07-07T09:17:00.007-05:00

I have heard the word sugar used to describe the sands on Florida's beaches but I didn't realize how true it was until last week. Shawn and I took the kids for a mini getaway to Panama City Beach. We had planned on staying in Pensacola which is not quite three hours from us. With the issue of oil dotting some of the shores, we decided to go a bit further. It was a good decision and we loved our time at the beach. I had fallen asleep in the car and I woke up to Shawn saying softly, "We're here." We were on the final stretch that runs along the beachfront. In the most cliche way, I rolled down my window, closed my eyes and just let the sound and smell overwhelm me. I don't just love the ocean, I am IN love with it. I always have been and I always will be. It is a friend and a comfort to me. And no matter how long we are away from each other, we always pick up where we left off. I turned with tears in my eyes, and feeling like a complete nut asked Shawn if we could stay forever. He smiled and without teasing me for my emotional display, simply put his arm around me and said, "Yes." He knew I would eventually return to reality and figured humoring me would harm nothing. He's cute like that.

Naptime for Twins

2010-07-05T11:01:00.010-05:00

The twins are finally napping. Sam is teething and Charlotte was overly tired and therefore having a hard time falling asleep. When they were smaller, I could rock them both to sleep in my arms. Now that they are bigger, we have to take turns. Though they each have a turn now for me to shamelessly moon over them, I can't help but be ever aware of the other baby standing in their crib with that "what about me, mommy?" look on their face. The one consolation to this dilemma is that a lullaby can reach and soothe them both. There is a reason that the power of a lullaby stretches beyond just a tune or string of words. I love that in one breath, I can convey what would otherwise become a wordy message. I can tell them there is peace and calm and safety all around them. I love that a mothers (fathers, aunts, etc.) voice may be weak or strong, controlled or raw, but all that little one will hear is love. There are times where my mouth sings the words though my mind is still detained by the craziness of the day. There are other times though, where I am aware of each little finger and toe and revel in the classic battle between their minds desire to be awake and their body begging for rest. Where I can let the magic of watching a little one fall asleep completely surround me. Why , oh, why do they have to grow so fast?!

2010-06-18T08:55:00.003-05:00

Sammy just can't take it anymore.....

Last Night

2010-06-13T10:57:00.003-05:00

When my husband is away, I can be sure that what starts as me lying down alone in a big bed, becomes an artful human basket weave of arms, legs fingers and toes as the number of sleeping bodies multiplies by morning. Truthfully, I look forward to this. I like knowing that my little ones are tucked in around me safe and warm. I woke to the sound of one of the kids murmuring something in their sleep. It is sure that all children seem angelic as they sleep. As I lay there I was able to truly study their little faces; something you can't do so easily with the constant motion of their little bodies during the day. Each of them carried their own expression. Stinky Pete's face carried the subtle smile of a four year old satisfied with the completion of an adventurous and mischief filled day. Maddie's face was peaceful though her mouth seemed poised to finish the sentence that sleep had kept her from the night before. And Abi, my complex Abi, carried an expression of melancholy in her brow. It has been especially hard for her to be so far from her best friend this year. I wished I could take that sadness from her.

Each glance allowed me vivid replay of their individual journeys over the course of their young lives. I felt satisfied as I watched them take in deep, rhythmic breaths. I could convince myself that even for a moment, the spinning of the earth would slow and somehow buy me time to keep them this close forever. At least our hearts have the depth to hold these precious moments where our memories sometimes fail us. These are the shining moments in my life. I am truly grateful.

Yesterday

2010-06-08T19:32:00.006-05:00

Today was one of those days. The kind where from the moment you awake, it feels like the day is waiting with a sweatband on ready to make you run faster and harder and longer than you want to. My kids are awake early, already asking for pancakes on a morning where pouring milk and cereal into bowls seemed reasonable yet somewhat ambitous. It is not a feeling of unhappiness, just that of being truly tired. I know I am blessed and watched over. I know I am doing the most important work EVER. As I stood over the sink, an image of my Grandma King popped into my mind. And when I think of her, I can't help but smile. She is one of the most amazing women I know. While Grandpa handled the responsibilities of a Ranch, Grandma cleaned, cared for her children, kept a large garden and cooked (not just for her family but several ranch hands) each day. She knows the art of sewing, quilting, frugality and resourcefulness. She is a teacher and always emphasized the importance of reading. Some of my most warm memories are of visiting with her. She is down to earth, straight forward, and kind. She always has a hug ready and a listening ear. Her home has always been one that I know I am welcome in and offers a neverending source of peace. So as I finished cleaning the kitchen, I felt grateful knowing stellar women who have gone before me. I felt new energy and an uplifted spirit.

Luckily, my children have a gift of silliness that can bless (ok and sometimes curse) at the perfect moment. I opened the fridge to find a bottle of Elmers glue and couldn't help laughing out loud. Life really is good.

New Blog

2010-06-07T17:10:00.004-05:00

I have decided to add a new blog to our family. Really it is a place for the design-minded part of me to revel, obsess, daydream...You get the point. Our original blog will continue to have family updates and personal musings. Pop on over there if you wish.

2010-06-05T08:26:00.003-05:00

Look at what Crate and Barrel has right now:

2010-06-03T10:11:00.007-05:00

There is just something about yellow.....

2010-06-02T12:20:00.004-05:00

I was going through one of my inspiration files and saw these. One of the hardships of loving design is that there is simply no end.

Magnetic Paper Dolls

2010-05-13T11:06:00.036-05:00

My girls LOVE paper dolls. So while visiting one of the blogs I enjoy, I saw this tutorial and had to make some of my own. Betsy McCall paper dolls are (in my opinion) the cutest out there. It is a quick project for those without (sadly) a lot of time to craft. They fit perfectly into a gift card tin and they are the perfect size to stuff in a little purse. They also make great, inexpensive gifts. They turned out just as I had hoped.

Just Pics.

2010-04-29T19:58:00.004-05:00

Conversations with a now four year old

2010-04-27T09:50:00.003-05:00

Stinky Pete walked in with his fire man boots and a razor and said, "Mom! Why won't you let me shave?!" I explain that as soon as he has 8 whiskers he can shave. Then he asks, "When I'm 10?" For some reason, he thinks that 10 is when you can do it all. I told him that if he has 8 whiskers when he is 10, then he could shave. He then says, "But I am ten!", to which I reminded him he just had his 4th birthday. Then he leaned in as close as he could and with his hand turned my face until it was directed right at the spot he wanted me to examine. "Mom! There are whiskers right here!" I took his soft, little whisker free cheek, kissed it and said, "Invisible whiskers are the best kind." He squinted his eyes, chuckled, and walked out of the room to begin his next conquest.

One of those Nights

2010-04-24T18:51:00.013-05:00

Tonight is one of those nights. What seems like a very long and tired week is coming to an end and I am sitting here typing while thinking of other things I should be doing. The house is quiet though and I felt like the keyboard was calling. I was able to put my sick baby down for maybe the third time today, just minutes ago; I feel like picking her back up just to make sure she is comforted as she sleeps. As I held her today, I could feel her warm head against my neck as she cycled through a fever, then a cool down as the Motrin kicked in, then the heat up hours later as it wore off. Even as the fever broke she wanted to be held and I was happy to do so. I woke up about a month ago in a panic that this stage of being a mother with my little ones all around me would one day be over. I kept thinking about how fast these days would fly by and that holding my babies in my arms would someday be traded in for eye rolls, and all kinds of teen-aged angst. I looked at her and thought of the future sick days she would have, dental appointments, playdates, school work, chores, walks, picnics and so on that she will experience in her life. The feelings of tiredness and excitement immediately fought for the spotlight.

I remember walking through the New York Airport on the way home from France and seeing a group of missionaries just getting ready to leave to their assigned destinations (one look at their clothing and shoes made it clear that they were just beginning). We, the returning missionaries, stopped and chatted for a minute with them. It seemed as though there was a bit of a "passing of the baton" from us to them as we wished them well and shared encouraging words. As we walked away, I felt an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. I knew I had been given the support, confidence, and energy to accomplish all that I had been called to do, but imagining starting over again that day seemed quite daunting. It was such an incredible amount of work but so magnificently worth it. That is just what I thought as I related it to the work of motherhood. It is so much work and unending, but so magnificently worth it.

I looked at Stinky Pete, (as we call him around here-oh and the guys at the local hardware store do too.)who, turned four today. Four! He woke up to the excitement of a birthday morning and came right in to our bed. "Mom!", he said. "Someone sneaked in and put the paper strings (streamer) and balloons all over for me!" I explained that Shawn and I had decorated for him because it was such a special day. He said, "It is?" I laughed thinking of the past gazillion days of him asking if it was his birthday yet and being certain he KNEW it was today. I asked him how he felt. He slowly raised his hands, examining them by turning his palms up then down. He said, "Hey! I dot bidduh!" (we are working on his "g"'s and "r"'s) He flexed his biceps and said, "Yup! See? I told you! I dot bidduh!" Then he excitedly asked Shawn if he was old enough to drive a truck. Shawn told him that even though he was a big boy, he had to wait until he was 16 for that. That statement was followed by a very disappointed "Awwwwwwww!"

My little red head is not so little anymore. He doesn't need to snuggle with his beloved bunny as much, he doesn't want to snuggle me as much, and he doesn't want me to help with everything as much. He requested muffins with frosting for his birthday (cupcakes), along with baked beans (not necessarily together). His wish list for gifts was more Geo Trax train parts, a lock (he is crazy about locks), and a ride through the automatic car wash. I look at my first son and I can't help but want to squeeze him. He is a wonder to me at times. He kept me running as a toddler and still does in many ways. When Shawn was in Iraq he always seemed to know when a hug would quiet my worry or renew my spirit. He loves his fireman boots, Shaun the Sheep and bedtime stories. When I give him a piece of information he squints his eyes and tilts his head back for a few seconds as he considers his response. His favorite songs are "We Will Rock You and "I am a Child of God". With one of the babies being sick, I was concerned he would feel overlooked, especially since he has been the one to make the biggest adjustment since the twins' birth. But somehow he skipped along as though it was the best day ever. I would hear him in the next room telling his sisters, "You're not the boss of me! I'm the birthday boy!" That little/big birthday boy sure has my heart.

We are still alive.....

2010-04-02T18:40:00.004-05:00

Fatty and Flower McFlannagan are 8 months old and we are still alive. Since our last post, we moved (still in Louisiana but we needed more room), Mardi Gras'd, and much more. I hope to get some of that on the blog. We'll see.

Who woulda thunk!

2010-01-12T11:10:00.008-06:00

Because Sunday was Stake Conference, and a special someone is a missionary in the stake boundary,

here it comes...................

wait

for

it................

we got to see this guy, Elder Mckinlay. A very tall guy who happens to be my cousin. Boy was it great to see him!

Baby Update Through Pictures...

2010-01-12T10:09:00.007-06:00

Peace.

Working in the yard with Dad...

Don't leave bows lying around...

Maddie

2010-01-12T08:18:00.006-06:00

Maddie on her 8th birthday.

December 13th has come and gone but was a day filled with special memories for our family. After church, most of the congregation moved to an auxiliary room for Maddie's baptism and confirmation. Some of the missionaries spoke, along with our Branch President, and Shawn baptized and confirmed her. The water was cold due to some plumbing issues. I had warned Maddie of this so that we could avoid a lively commentary from her as she was entering the water (which no doubt would have been entertaining, yet poorly timed). Like every mom, I sat there watching my little girl with a truly swollen heart. I was in disbelief that my fiery redhead is eight and humbled by her grace as she quietly shed her signature silliness and so maturely entered the cold water. We were packed in the room with kids having to sit on laps and chairs being shared, but the love was overwhelming. I wished that everyone, the world over, at that moment could have felt our Heavenly Fathers love-it is so real.

MOM

2009-12-05T10:46:00.004-06:00

(Christmas visit to Utah 2008)

You have given us all so much. I was thinking the other day, about our grand Christmas wrapping days, how we would visit and pick out different gift topper combinations. You taught me so many valuable things like how to make a good bow, how to set a beautiful table, how to kill a centipede.....But most importantly, I will always have a visual of you kneeling in prayer or with your scriptures open on your lap. The example you set has greatly enhanced our lives. You were always doing for others and didn't complain. Thank you for all the major things you taught me as well as the nitty gritty. Through the chaos of the six of us kids, (how you ever endured the Jill-isms is enough of a miracle)you held on to peacefulness and grace. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADY!

Picture Update

2009-11-13T20:22:00.007-06:00

Charlotte just shy of 4 months

Blessing day.

Carnival on Halloween.

You guessed it! Blessing day.

The twins first night in their own room. We would have done it sooner but were refinishing the crib.....

Picture Update

2009-10-19T23:28:00.015-05:00

Sam, contemplating his next meal.

A random photo of our table at the Clark Family Wee Witches and Wizards gala. We Southerners certainly know how to pah-tay!

Maddie always calls "dibs" on Sammy, and Abi always calls "dibs" on ......
Charlotte.

Oh how we love the rain. The lens fogs so easily because of the humidity, it's hard to get a clear picture. Here are the kids with some friends from the neighborhood and our Branch.

Maddie during our Mommy/Daughter date.

Seth insists on wearing his superhero shirts. Luckily, he has three.

Ouch

2009-10-17T17:18:00.003-05:00

So I received an invite in the mail today. It is a "Mother's Night Out" sponsered by our pediatric dentist, for the mommies of their patients, to see a special pre-screening of New Moon. Cool, huh?! This is somewhat problematic seeing that our pediatric dentist is in Utah. And we aren't. Bummer. I miss my peeps.

Serious Business

2009-10-01T17:40:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Seth was rubbing his hand up and down my calf and then suddenly turns to me (with a very serious look on his face) and asks, "Mommy, why do you have little black ants on your legs?" Then I replied, "They aren't ants buddy. It's called stubble." First thing this morning, I shaved.

Outings

2009-09-15T10:21:00.010-05:00

We went with some friends to do a plantation tour. It was probably the muggiest, warm day that we have had here yet. We started with Oak Alley, which is the most photographed plantation here. It gets its name from the fact that a French settler planted 28 oak trees equally apart about 300 years ago. The result is worth the trip.

Our next outing was to the Audoban Aquarium in New Orleans. There is a ferry not far from where we live that takes us right to it .

Shawn's mom came for a two week visit so we all played tourist together. She is on her way back home today and we will miss her.
We have quite a long list of places and things yet to see. Be prepared.

The babies

2009-09-03T12:16:00.003-05:00

Just a photo update...

2009-08-14T09:22:00.002-05:00

Another year has gone by and you still reach for my hand with a wink and a smile. Happy Anniversary babe!

This and That

2009-08-13T20:37:00.005-05:00

The girls started school this week and have done really well adjusting and making friends.

Abi napping with the twins (though Sam was obviously done with his nap).

2009-07-28T10:54:00.005-05:00

Here are a few details. With things as crazy as they are with the little ones, I figured this was the best way to answer all the questions. The babies came on July 21st at 4:53 am and 5:30 am (which put me at 38 weeks and one day). Sam's water broke around 2:30 am so we raced to the hospital. Shawn made the 15 minute trip in about 3 minutes. My doctor arrived just as Sam was ready to make his grand entrance. They raced me to the OR to deliver (just in case a c-section was needed). Sam came so quickly the Dr. had to catch him with the help of a basin because nothing was prepped. The ultrasound tech focused in on Charlotte's position. We watched as she stretched out a bit, turned and descended on her own (the whole process took about 30 minutes). No c-section, and both babies did great right away. They eat well, sleep well, and seem to be pretty normal newborns.

Reclaiming the space that both babies required has been a really sore process but completely what I expected. Charlotte has the same long legs and fingers that Abi does, and Sam has almost the same build that Seth did at birth. My mom being here has been a huge help. The kids are good little helpers, though overly so at times. Seth says he just wants to "pet" them. We are tired, happy, and grateful. Hugs to you all.

Joining our circus......

2009-07-24T12:21:00.002-05:00

Here is a glimpse at our two little ones. We will post more soon-I promise. Love to you all!!

It's Time

2009-05-20T10:50:00.004-05:00

After a couple of months of consideration and prayer, we have decided to accept the job offer from Louisiana. As some of you know, we were leaning toward the New Jersey offer (which was a temporary active military position and very tempting-but with unsure longevity). As time passed and we were able to gather all of the details, we realized that Louisiana is altogether a better career move. It is a complicated and somewhat long process to get into the government program but once you are in, it offers more security over all. So Shawn has officially transferred from the National Guard to the Reserve component in Belle Chasse Louisiana. He will have a full time government Public Affairs job for the troop command and then drill as a soldier once a month. We will be living on base which offers much for us to do as a family and allows for an instant family community. There are actually two naval bases there and we will be living on the joint forces base which houses groups from each branch of the military.

I admit living on the East Coast was more appealing as far as location goes. And on my list of pros and cons for Louisiana, my whole con side was filled with things like snakes, crocodiles, and the Bayou. It is a little comical but I assure you, I was completely serious while writing it. Having said that though, I must say that Louisiana is a beautiful, green place. When Shawn helped with temple dedications at the beginning of our marriage, I was able to fly out and meet him for the Baton Rouge dedication. We instantly fell in love with the people we met and their warm hospitality. It reminded me of being in Hawaii and it is one of our fondest memories. I cannot wait to visit the old plantations and I am determined to have the twins speak with a delectable southern dialect. We are really excited for the opportunity it is giving us for growth and variety in our life. Let's just say that little bit of gypsy that Shawn and I have in us will love the adventure.

Now for the nitty gritty. Shawn's report date is June 8th. Thankfully, movers are provided. They will pack us the 28th and load the 29th. Yes-that is next week. So.....I need to get organizing. Apparantly the movers will even pack trash if you aren't careful. I will not get into goodbye talk because this prego mama is compartmentalizing for the sake of survival.

Spring Inspiration

2009-05-11T20:55:00.008-05:00

While doing yard work, Shawn found this:

And yes-it prompted the urge to buy paint (I didn't buy any-but the urge was strong). How can you not be inspired after being reminded of such a beautiful color?! Most of us associate robin egg blue with Tiffany Blue. But each time I see this color, my mind goes to Chinoiserie (especially used in an eclectic application), ceramic lamps, and a variety of brights like red and orange and of course, enameled jewelry. Anyway, it is no wonder that it has remained a popular color throughout time.

3!

2009-04-28T12:49:00.005-05:00

Last weekend little red turned 3. He requested cupcakes and pirates for his birthday. I was surprised at the pirates request because he hasn't been into pirates (except for confusing pirates with soldiers and vica-versa) up until now. I think Disneyland sparked an interest. He walked around most of the day yelling "Arrrrrgh! I'm a pie-wet!" I can't believe he is already 3. Time flies. We sure do love our little pirate!

Ahhh sunshine!

2009-04-22T09:15:00.003-05:00

The minute the sun was out, the kids grabbed "grown-up" hats and took their coloring out back for a nice afternoon. They also built a teepee with little help from us. It was fun to peek out on them and listen to their little conversation. Seth didn't like the big spiders (which were actually flies). Madeleine used to think spiders were flies as well. Hmmm.

And the follow-up from the ultrasound is good. Our boy is mostly head down while our girl is still breech. But he is the most important position to worry about since I am praying for a non-c-section and he leads the way. I had a good giggle with the ultrasound tech because our boy was trying to move a bit over into his sisters space and she would twist her bottom as if to reclaim it. It has already begun people.

I.......can't........breathe!

2009-04-21T11:41:00.004-05:00

Here I am at week 40..uh...I mean 25.

I am finishing a round of shots today. My doctor has found better success at giving them to all mothers of multiples seeing that pre-term labor is so common. I will have my last shot today then my monthly ultrasound following. I can't wait to get another look at the little ones. The last ultrasound showed little Mr. in a transverse-lie position (he is baby "A" so this is especially naughty) and the little Miss was breech at the upper right of my uterus. I have daily talks with my son about his positioning and though there is time for change, the window gets slimmer more quickly with multiples. I have felt their movements change so the ultrasound may reveal some changes in positioning!?!?!

As you can see in this photo, I have total prego face. I take one Tums, per child, per meal. It does not matter what I eat. And I stay away from the obvious heartburn foods anyway. I rarely have heartburn when I am not pregnant and the Tums do serve as an extra calcium dose to help ease those wretched leg cramps that can accompany pregnancy. So I can't complain. Anyway, just an update.

I'm soooo "Utah"!

2009-04-15T19:17:00.005-05:00

Here is our new FHE assignment board. I'm not done with the other magnets that contain the assignments though. I saw the idea and thought it would be fun for the kids. They all had a say in the colors,etc. One step closer to being more organized.

Easter

2009-04-13T16:42:00.003-05:00

I hope you all had a beautiful Easter. We did.

Disneyland!

2009-04-10T13:45:00.007-05:00

Months ago we asked the kids what they wanted to do for our family vacation to celebrate Shawn being home, they immediately said Disneyland. We have taken them a few times just for a day while we visited family in California. This time they said they wanted to go to both parks and have time to ride everything. So that is just what we did. It really was nice being able to do the parks in the morning, return for lunch,swimming and a nap at the hotel and then jaunt off again in the evening. Shawn took the girls by themselves a couple of times so they could do the big kid rides and Seth and my prego self sat at the pool. One of the kids favorite things was to rush back to the hotel at night to find the treats waiting by their pillows from the hotel. It was a good trip. The kids were very understanding of the fact that I was limited-which I appreciated. I was thiiiiiiis close to renting a "Jazzy". Somehow my pride just wouldn't let me. Although, racing through the crowd and beeping the clown horn would have been fun.

Grandpa

2009-03-14T22:44:00.006-05:00

Grandpa passed away last night. As I think on all the memories that fill my mind of Grandpa, I feel gratitude. A note to my sweet cousins; do you remember the magical gatherings as a family at the Kahala and Manoa houses? The days swimming in the Kahala pool while grandpa weeded his garden? The summer days on Maui driving around in the big Budget van? I feel so blessed to have these memories, which without him would not exist. I am mostly grateful, however, for the light he invited into our lives by teaching us the importance of the gospel, the many times he shared his testimony and the chance he gave all of us each year to share our own testimonies with each other. The phrase "Remember who you are" is forever etched in our minds.

My favorite memory of Grandpa was the visit we made to Hawai'i just before Grandma passed away. My girls sat in his office chattering away, asking question after question without letting him respond. Listening in was a heartwarming experience as he imparted wisdom to their young minds. As we visited with Grandma in the black leather chair, we spent a beautiful afternoon listening to stories of how they met and their younger years of marriage. His loyalty and respect for her is and was unquestionable. We will miss you Grandpa-remember who you are.

The "Vacation" Ends!

2009-03-11T10:38:00.009-05:00

Shawn is home and safe! He arrived Thursday morning last week and it has been HEAVENLY! The kids were stuck on him for 36 hours straight, which was fun to watch. At the airport we were all stationed just at the bottom of the escalators at baggage claim. There was quite a big group and with all of our signs and excitement, other travelers must have felt a bit intimidated. Most of the wives stood together in a row, focusing on breathing evenly. We would see a bit of green or grey and start to jump then realize we had been a tad over-zealous. When the soldiers finally started to filter down, it was amazing to watch each family reunite. What a beautiful blessing we are given in family! Earlier, one of the local news channels asked me to wear a mic and told me to, "just do what you normally would." I warned the man that there would be gushing and very little audible speech. He was OK with it. We did a small interview after Shawn arrived, gave hugs and handshakes, then went on our merry way completely surrounded by our own little bubble of joy.

This time apart has been some of the most challenging and important time of my life. I have learned more about myself than I could have imagined. I grew to understand my weaknesses better and be less afraid of them. I have been able to marvel at the strengths of others. I have learned to be more confident about my strength in motherhood. I have been reminded in big and small ways that my Heavenly Father is the only constant ear in my life and have been humbled by His mercy toward me. I have felt gratitude for understanding the importance of sacrifice and what a fundamental role it plays in love. I realized how much I have taken for granted as a citizen of this country. Though my love for Shawn was certain before he left, I have fallen even deeper in love with the man who completely holds my heart. Looking back, though there were many dark nights, I wouldn't change a thing.

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

2009-02-26T20:00:00.007-06:00

This picture was taken on the day Shawn originally left and what feels like a couple of lifetimes ago. We are a week away people! One week! Wish me stability and cute hair!

2009-02-17T19:50:00.002-06:00

So today I went in for the gender ultrasound. I am happy to report that we are having a girl! ...............................And a boy.

2009-02-10T17:53:00.011-06:00

Kiosk sales people are a part of any mall experience and a group that I usually avoid altogether. Yes-they have a job to do and are very nice people, I'm sure. But the very phrase, "M'am, can I show you something?" sets my eyes into an automatic roll. The kiosks I most avoid are the ones that sell the products from the Dead Sea. You know-the salt scrubs, mineral nail buffers, etc. Mostly because years ago, I made the mistake of making eye contact and was sucked into a lengthy sales fest, of which, practically required a lifeguard and safety ring to pull me out. I admit I did enjoy the beautiful Israeli accent of the sales person. Anyway, flash forward a few years and here I am walking the mall taking care of some little errands when suddenly, I find myself approaching the Dead Sea kiosk. I immediately avert my eyes, and consider talking to myself just to deter them. I hear the sales lady calling after me and in my stone cold walk, refuse to turn around. Finally she says, "Miss-you dropped something!" Are you kidding me? Right here? In front of this kiosk? Mayday! Mayday! (I did like the fact that I was actually called miss instead of m'am.) Moving on. Eye contact was made. Soon I found myself in the middle of many familiar sales lines. "Personal space" did not exist. I was lectured about the importance of self-pampering and asked how I could possibly be a good mother if my cuticles were neglected?! I think I was called "honey" (which with the accent came out as hoe-knee) no less than 4,136 times.I spent 10 minutes feeling insulted while I was being educated on my "hippo-dermis" until it dawned on me that there was a bit more of a language barrier than I had originally discerned. In any case, after several attempts to get away and one desperate use of the, "Hey look! What's that over there?" trick(ok not really but it almost got to that point), I made it out unscathed. I am not saying the products don't work. It's just the pushy way in which they are sold. In any case, the promise of a scrub taking away stretch marks means little to someone who has had them since the age of 14.

2009-01-31T09:14:00.004-06:00

As I was driving the kids home from school yesterday, this interesting conversation took place between my girls. Maddie says, "I think I want to be a boy." Trying not to laugh I let her keep going. Abi says, "But you are a girl." "Well I know that Abi- but today I just want to be a boy. Boys don't have babies." Then my little therapist asks her sister, "Maddie, why not?" "Well it does hurt Abi." Abi then confidently says, "Maddie, the shots don't hurt so bad when you are older. It might not even hurt!"

This is funny to me because of it's random nature but also because years and years ago, I remember hearing the news that my Aunt Patty was having her first baby. I didn't know exactly what having a baby entailed but just that it seemed scary. I remember consoling myself with the thought that it isn't scary when you are a grown-up. Grown-ups were brave and fearless and apparently didn't feel much pain. And my girls haven't learned all the details yet but they do remember coming to get blood drawn while I was pregnant with Seth. And that is what has stood out to them the most about being pregnant (if only shots were the worst of it). It was another good opportunity to explain the gift of having a baby- that it's worth every thing you go through. And that nothing can explain the moments when your new little one is handed to you. They liked hearing that. It was a sweet Mommy daughter moment. Then Maddie ends with. "I think I'll adopt."

2009-01-23T15:20:00.006-06:00

I really have slacked on the blogging haven't I? But then again, I really didn't have much to report. The kids are still funny and life is still busy and we still miss Shawn. I would love to say that I have put backings on all our family quilts or canned 2 years worth of food storage or alphabetically labeled my entire house since the introduction of the new year. Alas, 'tis not so. However, I am happy of one accomplishment. I have officially ended my first trimester and am moving on to the second of the newest little Clark. Now the question is, redhead or brunette?

2008-12-27T19:48:00.003-06:00

I love being an auntie and am happy to add two new little ones to my list of nieces! Kira and Juli both had healthy baby girls during this holiday season. I can't think of a better reason to celebrate. We love you guys!

2008-12-22T18:31:00.001-06:00

The man I love to hate!

2008-12-17T19:46:00.007-06:00

For those of you who don't know, this is Rick Steves:

He is a travel author, TV travel host, avid piano player, the list goes on. Over the years, I would catch his show on PBS and reluctantly be swept away as he strolled through many European cities, talking to sheep and wearing Lederhosen. Why with reluctance you ask? My heart was clouded with envy. That's it-pure envy. I would ask out loud to the TV set, "Why Rick?". "Why do you get to have this cool-times-a-gazillion job? Why do you get to crack lame jokes with french puns while standing in the Luberon? After all, you have an almost squeaky voice and wear 1980's glasses." Or I would say something like, " Blah blah blah Rick! Who doesn't have a real Irish wool sweater?!" Well no longer. I will not let this negativity keep our friendship from blossoming Rick. I will no longer pretend not to laugh at your jokes just to hurt you. I will confess that you deserve this job. You are more than good at it and you are actually a good guy (he and his wife sunk their retirement into an apartment complex and turned it into a safehouse for women). I will walk by my complete boxed set of your Europe Through the Back Door DVD's without rolling my eyes. And I will no longer stick my tongue out at you during your 17 step spa treatment in Baden-Baden. So here's to you Rick-glasses and all. You are, without a doubt, the Man.

Thanksgiving and trip home

2008-12-08T21:28:00.006-06:00

All good things must come to an end. And there is no better way to wrap up a vacation than to have a Thanksgiving feast with loved ones. One of my favorite things is the buzz in the kitchen before the meal. Thanks Mom, for all the prep work and beautiful table setting. Everyone made such great food, though the company was even better (barely).

We flew home sitting this way. We told the kids to check their chutes to make sure they were ready for the jump once we had crossed the ocean. They didn't appreciate the joke.

We love you family. Thanks for the love and fun.

A few more Hawai'i memories

2008-12-08T21:01:00.005-06:00

Seth loved being outside and was quite the adventurer.
Mmmmmmm. Leonard's hot malasadas (Portugese hole-less donut rolled in cinnamon and sugar)-doesn't get much better than that. I know family-I'll give a shout out to Dee-Lite's malasadas as well.
There was lots to explore and the girls found some of our old paths around the property.
The kids had to run down to give Shawn good morning hugs. Sometimes very early.

8

2008-12-04T21:22:00.003-06:00

I still gasp at my baby being eight. I guess there were many times during Shawn's leave where I had to resist the "ugly cry", and Abi's baptism sits at the top of the emotional list. It was bitter sweet to share this day with some of the dearest people in our lives and yet miss the faces of other dear ones who would have been there if not for the distance. We love you all!

Beach!

2008-12-04T09:29:00.003-06:00

What do I miss most while living in Utah? Needless to say, one of our main priorities on island was the beach. The kids were excited to watch the set up for the Pipeline Triple Crown surf contest. The girls weren't about to leave without having their picture taken at the Roxy box. The North Shore boasts some pretty intimidating waves this time of year (the kind where no one without a board goes in)so we enjoyed watching the many surfers and then spent some time at one of my favorite family beaches at Ko'Olina. The last pictures are of a little alcove out by the temple where the rock formation is fun to look at. We always have to stop in for an ooooh and ahhhhh.

Ono Grinds

2008-12-03T22:33:00.006-06:00

"Ono" means good and there is much good in local food in Hawai'i. Some people travel to Lourdes to find healing water. Shawn and I go to Liliha Bakery for sweet bread french toast. Liliha Bakery was opened several decades ago and still holds true to the style of the time with diner style counter service. And let's not forget their coco puffs. Another favorite place to go for breakfast is Boot's and Kimo's. If you are on O'ahu, you MUST go. Their specialty is banana pancakes with macademia nut syrup. Heaven on a plate. Sorry-no picture for you there.

Hawai'i or Bust!

2008-12-03T21:48:00.009-06:00

The morning after Shawn returned home, we were off to Travis Air Force Base to catch a flight home to Hawai'i. The military allows military families to travel on their daily cargo and refeuling missions on a variety of different aircraft. They basically load us into whatever space was not filled for their specific mission. This means that we may fly a puddle jumper with parachute seats or a larger aircraft with commercial seats. The crews have all been fun to fly with and willing to answer any questions about the plane we are on. On the way there, we flew a refeuling mission which adds a little flight time but is no big deal. This plane had reclining mats with joysticks below where the crew lays to refeul planes. Pretty cool stuff.

I remember flying home during the college years and how much I loved the last little stretch that takes us over the Honolulu city lights. It meant I was home. Each time I step off the plane, I can count on the same three things happening. First, the wet air turns my skin into a sponge. Second, the smell of any given flower in the breeze takes away the blur of a long flight. And lastly, I find myself asking why I am living someplace else. The kids immediately start the excited talk of swimming, sand play, cousin time, and how they can't wait to see Grandpa and Grandma. No matter how many times I have come back, I can't help but feel sad that the time will fly too quickly and I will find myself leaving again.

Our arrival was celebrated with Khal-bi ribs (Shawn's favorite) by the pool. Thanks, Dad! Each November we celebrate Birthday Week. Shawn and the girls all have birthdays within a week of eachother and so nothing could be better than blowing out candles on a Chantilly cake. My kids race to put on their kama'aina uniforms (by which I mean swim suits)and don't really take them off until we get back on the plane. Bliss.

Leave (part 1)

2008-12-03T20:23:00.004-06:00

There is no point in trying to describe the leaps and cartwheels our hearts did the day Shawn arrived. All of the grand plans and sweet daydreams that have filled our time apart easily pale in comparison to our real moment of reunion. The day was filled with business and many pep talks with myself about not letting out what Oprah calls the "ugly cry". Not that the emotion would be unwarranted, but knowing Shawn had to leave us again, I needed the kids to know that I wasn't crumbling. As I looked at the faces of loved ones who came to greet Shawn, I could feel nothing but gratitude.

Later, as I prepared the house for our departure the next morning, the kids were at my feet as usual. The urgent "Mommy!" this's and that's filled the air around me like any other night. Shawn lovingly walked into the kitchen and gathered the kids to take them away and let me finish my task in peace. He shot me a wink and like any other capable and stable woman, I sobbed. Everyone who faces the duties and trials of daily life knows the importance of setting aside the awareness of its hardship. But once you are reminded of the burden that is lifted by a simple helping hand, that suppressed emotion can quickly slap you in the face. This was a good slap.

2008-11-04T22:13:00.000-06:00

Hee hee hee!

A Sweet Farewell

2008-11-02T10:09:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I was able to go to a funeral for my Mom's Uncle Roy. This man has had a sweet spot in my heart for many years. Among other things, Roy and Eunice were kind enough to have me in their home as I would travel home during college and hosted our wedding luncheon at their house.

As I watched the rest of the family shuffle in to be seated in the chapel, I couldn't help but look at the many sweet great-grandchildren who are a part of this man's legacy. I felt touched as the rows kept filling with his closest family members and thought of my family members who weren't able to be there.

I knew Uncle Roy to be a smart and kind man. He seemed to take such an interest in everyone he talked to and had something unique to say. I was touched by the tributes given him as a steady man who always knew how to endure. His son called him a "Shiblon" saying that his father was someone who was not flashy but very steadfast and walked uprightly before God. He spoke of his father never being a discriminator of persons and always finding ways to help poeple have what they needed in creative ways. He was a man who didn't think to complain and would start the day saying, "It's a great day in Chicago!" (They lived there 25 years for work). He wore the same old red sweater every year at Christmas. He was engaged to Eunice two years while he was away in the Army Air Corps and in Brazil working. His daughter found his love letters to her from this period of time and said that each started endearingly with "My Dearest Brown Eyes". He was asked if during his years in the Army he was able to hold true to his values. He said that he contemplated for three months the fact that he was the only "Mormon" around and that he could have done whatever he wanted. He asked himself what he really wanted and he decided he wanted the happiness the Gospel brings.

I couldn't help but think of my family. We are all so different but we all know we are loved. As I sat there I felt grateful to a long line of people who valued the Gospel and wanted to share it. A group of people who know how to roll up their sleeves and get to work. I thought of family tradition and struggle. I thought of celebration and new generations we have yet to meet. I felt happy for Roy, his choices and the obvious abundance of love he shared with his family. I left with a renewed resolve to express my love as often and openly as possible.

Trunk-or-Treat

2008-11-01T22:01:00.003-05:00

Altogether a successful Halloween and finished before the rain hit.

Tagged

2008-10-24T20:17:00.006-05:00

My friend Jenn tagged me so here it goes:

How long have you and your husband been together?
11 years

How long did we date?
7 months and engaged 5

How old is he?
30-ish plus 8

Who said, "I love you," first?
Shawn did. And I rolled my eyes because it was on like the third date.

Who is taller?
He is almost 6'3". I am not.

Who does the laundry?
Me. He helps when he is home. But in all fairness he is doing laundry in Iraq.

Who does the dishes?
Me. But he always pitches in.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Looking at the bed-I do.
Who pays the bills? We have taken turns over the years depending on how busy he has been.

Who mows the lawn?
Right now me. But when he's home he does a stellar job.

Who cooks dinner?
Mostly me but he likes to cook sometimes. There have been many days where I have had to get alot done away from the house and he will offer to keep the kids. And to top it all off, he will have dinner made and a big smile on his face.

Who is more stubborn?
Hee hee. He would say me and I would say him.

Who kissed who first?
He kissed me first.

Who asked who out?
He did. Funny story. He had told 99% of my friends and unknowingly my brother that he wanted to ask me out. I, of course, knew this but weeks went by and no date. He called me one day to ask for someones number in the ward. I was brand new to the ward and he had been there a year. So it seemed silly for him to have asked me-but
I suspected he was really just trying to talk to me. I hung up the phone and yelled "Chicken!" at the top of my lungs out of frustration. Two seconds later the phone rang and he asked me out so quickly and nervously I almost had to ask him to repeat himself.

Who is more sensitive?
Duh!

Who has more siblings?
Him. He has 6 -I have 5.

What were you doing ten years ago.
Living in Provo as newlyweds and dreaming about our future.

5 goals:
1. Live a simple life
2. keep up the good gym routine
3. Put backs on our family quilts.
4. Laugh with my kids as much as possible
5. Keep on keepin' on

Things I would do if I was suddenly made a billionaire:
1. Faint.
2. Watch the look on the clerks face after he opens the tithing envelope.
3. Move back to the water.
4. Prepare, be debt-free, and plan for financial future/children's future
5. Surprise alot of people we love and many we don't know. Donate.
6. Buy a potter's wheel and kiln
7. Invest
8. Hire a personal trainer for the rest of my life.
9. Travel the world with friends and family.
10.Repeat.

Three of my bad habits:
1. Worrying
2. Picking at my nails
3. Being overly sensitive

Five places I have lived:
1. Kailua, Hawaii
2. Rexburg, Idaho
3. Martigues, Castres, Antibes, and Arles France
4. Salt Lake City, Utah
5. Various Happy valley locations

Five jobs I have had:
1. Sales at the Museum Company
2. Jack Adams Design
3. Teaching at the Senior MTC (total blast)
4. Liaison to Swedes for Tahitian Noni
5. MOMMY

Things people don't know about me:

I was adopted. I guess its known by many but not all. I am not a big fan of gravy, marinara sauce, or vanilla ice cream. I have a crazy issue with certain tactile textures (this would require a PowerPoint presentation to explain). I rub my feet and ankles together when I'm falling asleep-ever since I was little (not every night as an adult but when I am really tired). I hate my laugh. While in France, I chased off two men who were beating a woman in the street-what can I say? I am a bit of a hypochondraic (I thought I had breast cancer at 10) and can list many diseases and their symptoms. I yell at hockey games. I absolutely love the sound of old plane engines (and the purr of a few other engines).

More Fall Fun

2008-10-17T22:19:00.012-05:00

I thought it would be fun to get the family group for Shawn's deployed unit together for a fun night out. Gardner Village does a Wee Witches Night Out every year and I knew it would be the perfect place to get out and spend time together as a group. As I was doing the girls make-up to go with their costumes, I quickly realized that Shawn and I will not be letting them date until they are in their 20's at least.

The kids had a great time and we ladies were able to chat and bond. Our conversations were filled with alot of "I hear ya"'s and I felt many times throughout the night much gratitude for being able to know these women.

Below are two out of a few kids in the FRG group that the girls loved spending time with.

2008-10-16T23:37:00.005-05:00

Some friends and I took the kids to Hee Haw Farm today. After some hayriding, animal tractor training, big sliding, pumpkin picking, Boo housing, and animal petting, we were all pretty tired! I love fall and all the fall fun there is to be had.

Artwork

2008-10-08T14:56:00.006-05:00

I have kind of given up on keeping my mirrors and windows clean. At least the ones that are readily accessible to a small red-headed boy. I have a large framed mirror in my bedroom that runs low enough for him to touch. Each time I clean the glass, he walks right up and starts licking, smearing, and face-pulling. So I let it go longer than usual because, let's face it, it means more work in the end. It got to the point where every time I would look at those fingerprints I would feel annoyed that no matter how hard I clean, this little two year old is right behind me ready to undo. So as I watched Conference through the heavily fingerprinted T.V. screen, President Monson's words touched me as he encouraged us to enjoy each stage of life and even went on to say that the fingerprints that cover every surface of our homes would one day be missed. I think we all know it is truth but it is easy to forget while in the "trenches" of the daily grind. Though our family laughs together often, I must admit that I lost focus and let those sweet little fingerprints represent frustration rather than joy. My heart is sorry for that. Thank goodness for renewal.

2008-09-28T10:52:00.006-05:00

264 days have passed since this whole assignment started. That is alot of time. With about 42 days left until leave, it actually seems to be getting more difficult to not focus on how much I miss Shawn. But the excitement we all feel is growing as the days pass. Over the years as Shawn has had to leave us to fulfill military assignments, I have thought alot about single parents and those who gracefully live with lonliness daily. I am grateful to the many bright examples there are of people who 'forget themselves and get to work'. I am so completely grateful as well for the vein of peace that connects each day to the next. Just grateful-that's all.

Bag Lady

2008-09-13T09:36:00.003-05:00

Yesterday at Wal-Mart I had a lovely encounter with a cute old lady. As I was grabbing a bag of celery, she stopped me and said, "Now do you know how to pick good celery?" I thought for a mintue. I know how to pick out good produce in just about every category-but not celery! And though celery is not usually the determining ingredient in many receipes, I thought it might be a good time to learn. So she told me that good celery is found purely by weight. After watching her give me SEVERAL examples (and a pop quiz) of right and wrong celeries, she marched me over to the freezers. She said, "This world is getting crazier and crazier! The price of peppers is 10 cents higher than it was last year!" I did realize the price of peppers had gone up but not enough to avoid them completely. So she showed me a frozen bag of cut, mixed peppers for a dollar 37. She had me smell the bag (which smelled really good), and guarunteed that what the picture diplayed on the bag was exactly what I would get inside. None of this marketing hanky panky that runs wildly out of control on some packaging. I was actually grateful because I am picky over what I buy frozen vs. fresh. Anyway, the peppers are great and it eliminates any waste. As we walked out of the aisle, she yelled over to the freezer re-stocking lady, "Just converted another one." I wondered how many women she had shared this tid-bit with. I thanked her and as I went on my way, with a wink she said, " We women have to stick together." What a darling woman she is! One day I hope to be that little old lady in Wal-Mart. And I think my focus will be something like eggplant...

Pictures that make me happy...

2008-09-11T00:24:00.002-05:00

I love this picture of Nessa and Tilly
And this one of Abi at the Roof Top.
I love my girls!

Inside Victory over America Palace

2008-09-11T00:08:00.003-05:00

This is just one of the two football size ballrooms that this palace had. It was huge...such a waste.

More pictures from Iraq...

2008-09-11T00:03:00.002-05:00

Smarts....its a good thing...

2008-09-10T23:53:00.002-05:00

You may be wondering why all of a sudden is Shawn posting all these pictures...well a helpful young specialist, with the look of 'this guy is so old' helped me learn how to use Potoshop. So here are the pictures I always wanted to show but didn't know how.

The loss of a good friend....The Calzone!

2008-09-10T23:48:00.003-05:00

After much searching I found a hidden pizza place on one of the connected military camps. I was so worth the effort. Here is a picture of my friend the Calzone...now he's gone!

Post cards from Iraq

2008-09-08T13:40:00.004-05:00

This is Shawn in the Victory over America Palace. It was never finished and was bombed twice at the beginning of the war. I wonder if its given name came with a touch of overzealousness. Shawn is doing well, though it is the hottest part of the year now. Rockin' the camo babe!

I get it already!

2008-08-28T22:22:00.008-05:00

Alright. As much as I love the word "svelte", it will most likely never be used to describe me. Over the years I have experienced both thick and a wee bit of thin-ish. But I have never been tiny and my goal in life is not to be tiny-but to feel good in my clothes and be pro-active about my health. I actually enjoy a good round of sport (said with a British accent). And when I am comfortable with those I'm with, I don't mind leaping in all my glory to grab a ball. However, over the years, (and after being told by Chirstine Hammer that I looked like jell-o running. I will never forget Christine!), I realized that it was less embarrassing to accept my role as the chubby girl and pretend I didn't enjoy anything requiring athletic interest. So getting crazy on the field was and still is reserved for the closest of friends (or for pitch black sports arenas).

I have joined different gyms, have lost pounds and have also been re-introduced to them as well over the years. I have been dedicated and not so dedicated. But I recently found a place that offers great equipment, and challenging classes without the meat market feel of many gyms, and is not too far from home. And though I sometimes feel a little awkward because of the jiggle factor, I jump right in and push myself. What I find funny though,(and by funny I mean annoying)is that many times I am still going strong even when a handful of less jiggly women have had to stop. And yet after class the instructor will always say to me in a surprised tone, "Good for you for not giving up." or "You made it!" I know these are meant to be words of encouragement and I appreciate the intent, but sometimes I just want to say, "Yeah-well Jane Fonda called and she wants her leotard back-booyah!"

Don't get me wrong. I realize that a lack of excercise and/or healthy eating play a large role in why we gain weight -and I am not claiming to be a marathoner. But goodness! Laziness is not exclusive to those who struggle with weight. And health is not exclusive to all who don't.

Now, it doesn't happen very often but it has been my experience that there is sometimes one person who is disturbed by the fact that I can keep up. And it is also my experience that the person who feels this makes sure to inform me that they are capable of more. In these instances, I realize that her own body image is most likely fragile and I am readily empathetic. In these instances, I am also happy that I have learned not to define myself completely by the size of my jeans.

I must say that for the most part, my fellow women are fun and accepting and humble about their own physical insecurities. And there is no better way to bond as a group of women than to contort yourself over an excercise ball with a tension band wrapped like a pretzel around your legs. We are all in the same boat ladies. We all at one point in time have wondered how we measure up. We all live in a world that trivializes virtue and over-sells the importance of image. And no matter what-we all look rockin' hot in sweatbands!

From One Generation to the Next

2008-08-22T22:33:00.007-05:00

When reading teacher comments on a report card it is important to be aware of every message the teacher is trying to send. Most teachers are polite in their approach and many underlying messages may not be uncovered at first glance. As the years went by, I began to realize there was a common statement being made in my report cards. The comments usually went something like this..."Jill is a bright girl and has many friends. Her talkative nature is appreciated... most of the time." Or one that went something like this..."Jill has many friends. She seems to do well socially, however, may have difficulty not socializing during class." And this is by far the most straightforward comment..."If Jill would just apply the same amount of effort to her school work as she does her socializing...". Clearly this teacher did not recognize my pure talent (which I realize would be a much more powerful statement had I turned out to be famous or something). The above examples, in case you are somewhat unsure, are teacher's code for "Tell you daughter to zip it!".

Anyway, all of this is funny because Maddie came home her second day of school and said, "Today was great but my teacher gave me a check on the board because I was talking during class." I replied, "Maddie it is important that you pay attention and let the other kids pay attention during class." She told me that she tried but she just haaaaad to tell her friend something. "And it was just killin' me mom", she said. So I'm thinking Maddie's report card will start something like this..."Maddie is an outgoing girl who seems to like school.....and talking."

August 14th!

2008-08-12T11:10:00.018-05:00

So my friend and I were locked out of our apartment when suddenly this guy in a little Honda comes flying up the streeet. He jumps out of his car, and in his best superhero voice, asks what the problem is. I recognized him as the fun and outgoing guy from our ward who had mentioned to my friend he would like to take me out. Convenient-him being there and all (little did I know he was doing a drive-by). He scaled the building looking for open windows and re-assured me he could break in. I asked him how he was sure he could break in and he told me that growing up in a small town offered many opportunities for such skills. Then he laughed. I found myself caught up in how nice I thought his hands and arms were. He discovered an open window on the second story. Naturally, we needed to go to my aunt and uncles house to get a ladder. How convenient-him meeting my relatives and all. Back at the duplex we quickly discovered the ladder was a bit short to reach the window. But this would not stop him. He jumped up and flew at the same time and scaled the rest of his way up the brick through the window. When he thought I wasn't looking, he limped. But the moment he knew I was watching he stood strong and straight. He had hurt himself during his flying leap. I made him a tuna sandwich and he smiled alot. Not once did he bring up his injury. Never before had ease and excitement combined so gracefully in any guy I had taken interest in. Now ten years into our marriage he still calls me "doll" and I still get caught up in how much I love his arms and hands. As silly as it sounds, I feel blessed my heart aches so greatly when he's away. I love you babe!

Going Home

2008-08-11T22:28:00.004-05:00

We usually go by way of Alberta when traveling to and from Canada. However, I decided that it would be fun to take the kids through Vancouver B.C. and then to Seattle on the way home. Vancouver has a hip and artsy -yet sometimes sophisticated vibe to it and is made even cooler because of its location near the water. For me, the bridges alone make the trip worth it. My favorite is the Lion's gate Bridge. It is such a thrill for me to drive with water on either side and such an architectually beautiful structure making it possible. I was even more excited when the kids found as much of a thrill in it and asked to cross back and forth a few times. So we did.

After Vancouver it was time to head back toward the U.S. and to Seattle. The wait at the border was an hour and a half. Let's just say they were being very thorough with us all. We got into the city in the late afternoon and I took the kids right to Pike Place Market. There is nothing like a good fish toss to brighten your day. I loved watching the kids explore. They are so easily amused. I was quite easily amused by the man selling trinkets in a safari hat and bright purple spandex. We went to the harbor to watch boats come and go and then turned in to get some much needed rest. It's not easy to travel such long roads with kids but it is well worth the bond that is formed over Slugbug, I Spy, and being able to sing every word to Disney's Camp Rock CD together.

Fort St. James

2008-08-11T21:47:00.004-05:00

Fort St. James is a town not too far from Vanderhoof where a fur trading post was built back in 1806. Two men from the North West Company founded it and it eventually merged with Hudson's Bay Company (which many of you may know for their famous wool blankets). We got the V.I.P. tour because our niece Shay works for Canada's National Parks. It was great to see the different structures at the fort and imagine a lifestyle of travel and trapping. O.K. -so the travel part was more fun to imagine than the trapping part. The girls were able to actually play out a trade at the mercantile with one of the guides. They learned quickly that winter coats are more valuable than summer coats as well as the importance of skinning without holes and which animals were considered a rare find. Maddie drove a hard bargain with her werewolf coat (hey -at least she didn't insist on it being a unicorn coat) and refused to accept one candy as a trade. She insisted on two mints and a Werther's and would take no less. I also learned what the markings on a Hudson's bay blanket meant. Each animal pelt had a point equivalent and the very nicest blankets were 6 points. They would follow the point system to determine the value of their trade and the 6 point blankets were coveted for their warmth and durability. They were even used as sails during times of emergency. Anyway, the kids were able to play popular childrens games from that time period and really liked trying their hand at piece-on-piece construction.

Abi enjoyed the recliner in the mens house.

North

2008-08-08T19:31:00.011-05:00

The kids and I recently returned from three weeks of fun and adventure. We went to B.C. to visit with some of our family. The drive is about 26 hours and yes I am just that crazy to have done it alone with the kids. Our family there lives in a small town named Vanderhoof. I think the first stop light was actually installed not too long ago......Anyway, it is the country and by country, I mean country. To illustrate my point here is a picture of my Mother-in-law's driveway.. And this is my sister-in-law's backyard.

Needless to say it was a nice getaway to quiet. After such a long trip it was nice to finally arrive and see everyone. Each time we visit I am amazed at how truly great each of our nieces and nephews are becoming. The kids were so excited for this trip and seemed to pick up where we left off. We usually visit in the winter so it was nice this time to go during the summer. There were more outdoor things to do without freezing off any limbs. We stayed with my Mother-in-law and did fun things like pick strawberries, ride the quad (no less than a million times), and took fun little walks. Over at Auntie Cindy's house, the pool was a big hit. The girls worked hard to earn swimming badges which helped refine their swimming skills. Maddie jumped right in to help herd cattle and the girls both enjoyed "farm chores". Seth pretty much called any mobile piece of farm equipment (including the quad), a tractor.

Five minutes up the road from the house there is a beautiful and surprisingly un -crowded lake. The kids had such a fun time and got to try Kayaking. Abi took to it very quickly. The fishing poles were brought out at one point and I am still surprised no one's finger fell prey to the hook. It was such a hit for the kids. And I had a great time too just daydreaming about the Hemmingway-esque lakehouse I would love to build there one day.

Maddie with some of her cousins. Workin' it!

The kids were definitley spoiled by everyone. They were even given a birthday party since their birthdays will happen while we are not together. They each were given their own cake to decorate. Abi was actually excited despite the picture.

Stadium of Fire

2008-07-05T13:48:00.005-05:00

The different branches of the military in Utah held a lottery to select families to go to the Stadium of Fire at no cost to us. We were chosen to go along with families of deployed soldiers as well as soldiers who recently returned from deployment and other military families. I have never been, so this was all new. Nine years ago on the fourth I remember Shawn and I setting up our lawn chairs at a little lookout close to Sierra West in Orem (by the mall). We had a nice view of the stadium and were able to catch the fireworks. We consoled ourselves with the fact that we had a great spot and even went so far as to suggest that we had no need for the Stadium of Fire because it just couldn't get any better. Ooohhh the things we tell ourselves in these make- the -best -of -it moments! Um..... couldn't have been farther from the truth. The fireworks alone made the night. Not only was the Blue Man Group performing, but Hannah Montana as well. A few minutes after teh opening of the night, we walked out on to the field as the crowd clapped and cheered. Abi waved a flag and Maddie carried a sign that said, "We miss you Daddy!"

There was a vignette on screen of troops coming home and little tributes throughout the night. Maddie was tearful but happy and Abi pensive. I was completely caught up in watching my girls arms sway to songs and dance and shreik with the crowd. I was quickly reminded of some of the reasons little girls can be so fun. We were close to the front of the group and enjoyed the night. The fireworks took my breath away. Abi and Maddie loved the spy sequence and I think my favorite was the sequence set to Judy garland singing "Somewhere over The Rainbow", where the fireworks (the girls said) looked like dancing christmas lights in the sky. One of my favorite parts of watching any firework display is to look around at people as the light flashes across their faces. It seems that the magic is wasted on no one. As we walked out at the end, Abi declared that it was the best night of her life - ever. I can't think of a better way to have spent this day (except having Shawn by my side watching of course:)).

Independence Day

2008-07-01T21:10:00.011-05:00

I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.
You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. -- I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. -- Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.

-Letter from John Adams to Abigail Adams- July 3rd ,1776

I love that letter-and I have loved learning more of the lives of these men and women who played such instrumental roles in our history. I have often seen the bumper sticker that says, "God bless everyone-no exceptions!" Though we have a loyalty before country and culture to man kind, there should be no shame in being a patriot. There is something about this sticker that bothers me. As if anyone who is truly patriotic must also be void of love or acceptance for different countries, cultures, and people and might never think beyond their own existence. I am aware there are people who believe to be a patriot they must turn their back on any other (and possibly fly a confederate flag). Even so, I would like to think that most of us who would speak the words God Bless America would do so only to celebrate the history of our nation and the countless men and women who have forged through difficult circumstances to allow us the liberty we have today. I believe it serves as a reminder of the bond we share as people who support liberty on any soil. I believe it is a reverent call for God to be with us as we continue to make decisions that will affect our future generations. Just as the founding fathers did. So though I get the message this sticker intended to send, I think we learn something valuable when we can call ourselves patriots without having to whisper it.

I will now step off my soapbox. Happy Fourth everyone!!!

Out of the mouths of babes

2008-07-01T09:49:00.006-05:00

I have been contemplating lately the silly things that my children say and the likewise silly things that come from my mouth in response to their silly statements/questions. To clarify, it is really maddie who says most of the silly things around here. I love my daughter dearly and know she has been blessed with a compassionate and fun -loving spirit. Having said that, there are days where she is obviously one banana short of a split (she gets it from Shawn). Anyway, here are a few examples....while driving the other day I found myself responding to her with a, "No Maddie-you won't be sucking anybodys blood tonight." The next morning getting ready for church she says, "My nerves just can't take another minute of this. They are so frazzled!" (we were just doing hair by the way). The funniest thing is that it's not a phrase I use. Now if she would have said "I'm two seconds away from crazy", I would have known exactly where that phrase came from. Then there was the french fry comment that went something like this... "Mommy! Abi doesn't believe me when I told her that Happy Meals are called that because french fries make people happy!" Aaaaaaah yes-those moments where as a mom you find yourself mediating a disagreement over whether Abi's stuffed animal gave Maddie's stuffed animal a dirty look (these are mostly fueled by Maddie as well). I believe Maddie is a little girl who has a personality bigger than her little body and larger than life. I think her red hair is like a little warning flag. When you see her coming you never know what she's got planned. These are the days.

Splitsville

2008-06-29T16:18:00.004-05:00

Our ward split today. In the not quite three years that we have lived here, we have split three times, and had four bishops. I am a firm believer of change being a good thing. With each new ward comes a new dynamic and new opportunity for growth. I must admit that I don't really know our new bishop. He and his family moved here recently and I have only spoken to his wife briefly. I must admit that with my busy life and all my energy being put into keeping my children alive and fed, the details seem to become less important. And though I will seek to confirm my sustainment of our new bishopric through prayer, I trust that everything will fall into place as needed. This means I was also released from my callings and I have to say I am a little relieved. Don't worry Mom- I accept all callings and will accept more callings as they may come:).

It all made me think back on the little branches I served in as a missionary. There were members who would drive two hours each way just to come to church. And I never heard a complaint. I think about those humble members and how having a new temple less than 12 hours away was the ultimate gift to them. And they would readily show their devotion to building up the church and sharing the gospel no matter how difficult. They would bake fresh bread just for the sacrament and drive long distances to sit with a lonely friend.

So I guess along with change today I was brought a feeling of gratitude for having so many things available to us here and a sense of longing for the days of mission life -being surrounded by some of the most valiant people I have ever met. (Disclaimer: This does not in any way directly or inderectly, partially or completely, suggest, imply or non-verbally indicate that there are not truly valiant people living here as well.) Aaaaaand we're done.

Pictures from Shawn

2008-06-26T13:41:00.008-05:00

Shawn has adjusted to the sleep schedule after lots of long and tiring days. He works 12 hours each day/night (except saturday) and has a tedious job which can be quite demanding. His sense of humor has not been lost in the sand and he has a great ability to look on the bright side of things. I am so grateful to him for all he does. I know the heat alone would be a major trial for me- so I truly admire him for his endurance. Here are some pictures of his short stay in Kuwait, his travel to baghdad, and his current station.

On to the Next Adventure

Friday

Ignore this post....

Christmas 2011

School of the South pt. 1

To Whom it May Concern

Hamming it up

More Compassion

A True Artiste

Dreamy

Audoban Park

Tuesday Morning=Tuesday Mourning

Children's Museum

This time last year.....

I have pigtails!

Memory lane...

White is the new white....

La Floride!

Naptime for Twins

Last Night

Yesterday

New Blog

Magnetic Paper Dolls

Just Pics.

Conversations with a now four year old

One of those Nights

We are still alive.....

Who woulda thunk!

Baby Update Through Pictures...

Maddie

MOM

Picture Update

Picture Update

Ouch

Serious Business

Outings

The babies

This and That

Joining our circus......

It's Time

Spring Inspiration

3!

Ahhh sunshine!

I.......can't........breathe!

I'm soooo "Utah"!

Easter

Disneyland!

Grandpa

The "Vacation" Ends!

THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS!

The man I love to hate!

Thanksgiving and trip home

A few more Hawai'i memories

8

Beach!

Ono Grinds

Hawai'i or Bust!

Leave (part 1)

A Sweet Farewell

Trunk-or-Treat

Tagged

More Fall Fun

Artwork

Bag Lady

Pictures that make me happy...

Inside Victory over America Palace

More pictures from Iraq...

Smarts....its a good thing...

The loss of a good friend....The Calzone!

More Post cards from Iraq

Post cards from Iraq

I get it already!

From One Generation to the Next

August 14th!

Going Home

Fort St. James

North

Stadium of Fire

Independence Day

Out of the mouths of babes